Yoni Massage Therapy
“Oh” said my osteopath as her finger made contact with a sore spot inside my vagina during a yoni massage.
“What did you lose?”
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the art of the yoni massage
Honestly that visit to my osteopath slayed me.
But it slayed me in that gorgeous kind of way where the words leave you. Where the room falls to a hush. Where all you can hear is the in breath and the out breath and there is nothing to be done but to feel it.
It's a sacred spot right there.
Perhaps you know it too.
And so I stayed silent for a while in response. As though the simplicity of her question and the compassionate enquiry of her touch opened a portal to a more surrendered and reverent space inside my soul than the one in which I normally find myself.
"Yes."
I eventually replied. Because my vagina has memories. She has been through it all too. She has lost things, over and over.
And so the tears began to fall.
the power of her
I appreciate that as a sex coach, this really shouldn’t have surprised me - the power of HER.
But it did. Again and again it does.
Because as it turns out, my sexual centre is the source of such mystery and pleasure, but she also holds some of my deepest wounds. She’s like a powerhouse and memory storage central all in one.
It would seem that I am not alone in this either. Because every time I post about the subject on Insta for example, I get a rash of DMs. (And imma talking the good sort. Not the sort that start with “hey beautiful” and end with “wanna see me naked?”)
I am always struck with the raw and tender heart that lies at the centre of the subject of dearmoring when this happens, and how women get drawn to it. Like a mysterious elixir they can smell from afar. They instinctively know they want more of, even as they are uncertain about what it entails as they bravely enter my inbox with their shy enquiries and messages.
Their experience (as well as my own) has shown me time and time again, that women are often full of a profound longing to let go. It literally tugs at them on a daily basis like an inexplicable hunger. This is indeed why the practice of pussy dearmoring touches such a pulse. Because we can all feel that something inside us that feels blocked. Pain for example. Persistent infections. Lack of sensation and numbness, A feeling of not really being there or”spectating” during sexual pleasure.
Even physical problems in other parts of our anatomy can be connected - as my osteopath mentioned the last time I sat in her office: “Your shoulder pain starts in your pelvis” she diagnosed. “Would you be open to an internal massage?”
Well, what more can I say?
That my cool as fuck Franco-Swiss osteo-healer lady is a total rockstar? That it was a resounding YES from me (And my PUSSY)? And that frankly on account of women like her that this particular citizen of the UK (aka ME) never wanted to leave the European Union IN THE FIRST PLACE?
But ahem. Ahem. I digress.
how do you open a yoni?
how do you open a yoni?
So how do you open a yoni then? And what is dearmoring when it comes to it?
Well, just before I answer this, firstly, let me ask you:
When was the last time you actually felt into your pussy? Like - as you went about your daily business?
Because it may come as a surprise to you, but your conscious awareness alone in this is 100% the best place to start with beginning this work.
I’ll give you an example - just the other day I was working with a client who had been through my Orgasm Method programme, and she was lamenting that she got so much from her self-pleasure practices as a part of this course, and how she had let those practices slip a little and was feeling disappointed with herself. We then shared a gorgeous session where, with my guidance, she quietly listened to HER again. A gentle, loving tuning in occurred. And what followed was a softening, a resurrection of sorts. Her pussy began to yawn awake again. Like an animal stretching open into the direction of the sun.
My point is that this attunement is available to us anytime, anywhere, and with such grace and ease. I often recommend this practice to my clients as the first step-in pussy dearmoring as a result. We very much need to get in relationship with her before anything else.
So start turning your attention towards your pussy with approval - full approval, and nothing but approval - from time to time. And see what happens next.
I promise you, that even the most numbed out, contracted, angry and disobedient pussies amongst you - that in fact SHE loves you. That she is actually advocating for you (and has been all along.) And that even the quietest pussies amongst you will whisper towards an authentic opening under the gaze of your loving attention.
what is dearmoring?
Contrary to popular opinion, we don’t need to go buy a crystal wand, leave it out under the full moon and then set upon our vaginas like a bat out of hell.
To “achieve the goal” of release in this way is kind of an impossible feat to pull off anyways.
The truth is that our genitals respond to kind and loving attention as I mentioned above. So attitude absolutely trumps technique when incomes to a dearmoring practice. That's the most important thing to remember.
Plus, if we go at dearmoring with the attitude that something is wrong, more often that not we subject our pussies to conforming to the particular “sex box” that we believe they should fit into. Which is nothing more than a subtle self-inflicted violence, after all. This is how patriarchy disfigures sex for women, in my opinion.
The leagues and leagues of comments and questions I get from women who believe that there is something wrong with them is a sad testimony to this. They believe that their sex is literally not performing as it should. And I believe that's a poison we need to expunge from our system for sure.
But then there will come a time where your pussy is starting to wake up a little at all the loving attention you're giving her. Eventually, she may even become - hey - a little brazen as her hunger begins to surface more...
This point in a woman's dearmoring practice is always cause for celebration. And it is at this point (and not before) that she might want to consider taking her dearmoring a little further inside still.
Of course, in The Orgasm Method, you can learn how to take the ride deeper through self-pleasure and tantric techniques. (It is possible to find a good practitioner to touch those spots also, if you prefer to have an expert while you let go and forget about whether you're "doing it right.") But because a lot can be done through self-pleasure practices, and as I don’t offer in person yoni massages myself, online learning is generally what I recommend to clients who come asking me about how they can find out more.
So what is dearmoring? Simply put, dearmoring is a massage that applies gentle pressure to woman's sex organs in order to release spots of tension, and eventually to be able to heal contracted tissue and to feel more pleasure.
Of course, like in any sexual act, blood flow will increase to the area during dearmoring, and physiological healing may be possible as a result.
But with dearmoring, the touch is very specific and intentional. Sometimes known as a yoni massage, dearmoring is often taught and enjoyed within the tantric world, and can lead to a profound state of relaxation, release and orgasmic wellness too.
In time, and with the kind of patience that your pussy deserves - you may find like thousands of women before you - that your sex opens, becomes less contracted and painful, juicier and more responsive, healthier in it's internal ecological balance to name just a few potential outcomes of this practice.
vaginal dearmoring?
Another myth about dearmoring that I frequently hear from women is how it is all about, and exclusive to, the vagina.
In fact this is not true, and is another important point to consider.
Dearmoring practices encompass a lot more. From clitoral and vulva dearmoring for example, to finding the pressure points all around the inner and outer labia that need release, to the musculature of the pelvic floor. A lot can be felt before we even get close to the vaginal passage.
Navigating the actual entrance to your vagina is also a critical when it comes to a positive dearmoring practice.
I mean, how many times have you rushed past this place and just gone straight to penetration, for example? Or ignored your own body's signals of consent as you did so?
Not to shame any woman for any sexual experience or action - there is a lot we need to unlearn for sure - but just to point out that these actions will likely be stored as tension. And that it can pay sexual dividends to put attention on those spots for a moment or two as we learn to navigate our empowerment once more at this kind of level.
Having softened and warmed up our whole pelvic area then, we can venture further inside with our practice.
Amazingly, the pressure points at certain spots in the vaginal canal actually correlate to reflexology points within the body itself. In fact, Taoist practices map these points very specifically - so it is possible to massage your kidney energetically from within your actual vagina, for example. Or to touch the inner heart connection that is situated at the cervix (more on that later 'cos honestly that is a level of bliss that needs to be felt to be believed.)
But of course, you don't have to treat this practice so seriously or systematically either. You can simply freestyle.
Take your egg or your wand or dildo and gentle circle around the inside of your vagina, pressing until you meet resistance or soreness. Sometimes you might find somewhere burns as you touch it inside. Somewhere you may find there is sharp stinging, or a dull ache, Or also common is just full out numbness.
The trick is to stay with it, with approval, compassion and attention on the pressure, and to breathe into what comes next.
Very often, what comes next is a previously hitherto unexperienced level of sexual turn on and pleasure.
what is cervical dearmouring?
In truth, cervical dearmoring has a special place in my heart, because I believe that the cervix is situated at the deepest place the vagina for a reason.
We can, physiologically speaking, actually go no further. And the energetics and sensation available us here also reflects that in my experience and the experiences of my students.
The cervix is simply the place of deepest surrender and bliss in the female body.
I write more on this and on the cervix here, but with the focus of this article being dearmoring, let's have a look at how that happens at this level:
The tantrics recognised the power of the cervix - its' connection to the heart chakra, and the pure power of this place as portal to life, God and the Universe through cultivating sexual presence and energy. (And hey, you don't need to be a believer to get off. Stay with. me.)
In other words, if you think about the cervix as the portal through which all human life emerges, and like how could the body get more powerful than that? Then it makes sense that the cervix might also be be portal through which we can touch back into the universal. It's like a kind of tantric two way street. Connecting us to the earth and to spirit all at the same time.
Dearmoring at this level then takes skill, experience and gentleness.
Our cervixes are subject to intrusion when it comes to medical intervention. (Of course this is not to disparage smear tests or Leep procedures or anything else you might choose for your health. But it is true that as such a deep and tender part of our bodies, these kinds of interventions have an impact.)
Small, gentle breath work, together with circular pressure points around the cervix can lead to states of profound orgasmic bliss and surrender. When working at this level of dearmoring, the impact can often be felt every day as a permanent state.
My students know when they have tapped into this power.
Life becomes a sensual relationship. The entire world is experienced as erotic,
If this sounds good to you? Then getting in relationship with your cervix is the way to go.
benefits of a yoni massage
Obviously, a good dearmoring practice is not all love and light. It's pretty much inevitable that you will begin to feel more as you practice (and that can be painful as well as pleasurable.)
But we've already seen some of the benefits that make it so worthwhile, and why it has become such a central part of what I practice with my students on their sexual reclamation journeys as a result.
Pussy dearmoring can lead to :
- increased sexual sensation
- increased libido and responsiveness
- an increase in the felt sense of wellness in both your sex and your body mind
- a greater daily sense of embodiment and self-love
- physiological healing
- a deeper connection with yourself and your inner knowing as a woman.
Literally, what is not to love about all that?!
It is also worth mentioning a couple of other places in which yoni massage can be helpful for women too:
Yoni Massage for Healing Trauma
I would argue that, simply by growing up in a female body in a patriarchal world, that we are bound to inherit some kind of trauma response around our sex. And that 9 times out of 10 for women this actually does get stored in our genital area.
This does not have entail sexual abuse either. (Although of course if you have been sexually abused there will no doubt be frozen tissue memory in your sex organs which you may want to consider gently releasing and working with.)
But as a somatic practice alone. So by this I mean using sexual energy and self-connection through dearmoring as a way to bring yourself back into your body you are already using the most powerful healing force you have available to you. It's my opinion then that pussy dearmoring cannot help but shift and release old somatically stored traumas.
Pussy Dearmoring and Menopause
Furthermore, I would also argue that a dearmoring practice for women as we age is absolutely crucial to our wellbeing.
As tissues dry and contract internally, and muscles pull tighter as a result, we absolutely must do something to work with this part of ourselves regularly.
Think of my osteopath who related a shoulder injury to tightness in my vagina.
Regular, dearmoring and self-pleasure practices is one of the most loving and pleasurable ways in which we can maintain our bodies and sex over the decades. Dearmoring keeps us soft, it keeps us supple both emotionally, physically and energetically. And it keeps us connected with what makes us feel good to be alive as a woman.
one final thought
Now I know you are an intelligent woman.
I mean, you read this all the way to the bottom, so something tells me you and yourpussy get along just fine. (Or that you want that deeply. In which case, talk to me here if you feel called to.)
But I wanted to take a moment to just consider the beauty of medicine also, and to remind us not to forget that in our enthusiasm!
Drearmoring, working energetically with the body's own innate capacity to heal and release, cultivating your birthright as a woman which is to live a life immersed in pleasure and meaning, is what I do for a living. (Lucky me, lucky you :))
But take a moment to consider Naomi Wolf in her book Vagina. (Which I loved, by the way. How about you?)
Naomi talks about how she tragically lost sexual responsiveness and sensation. She was completely unable to feel turn on or experience climax. Obviously, this was incredibly distressing and had a majorly negative effect on her life.
She tried countless dearmoring sessions as a result. To no avail.
Turns out - her problem was a spinal one. The nerve that carries sexual pleasure her brain was literally prevented from doing so by a skeletal issue.
My point is - sexual energy is an amazing thing - but it won't cure everything.
In other words, read everything I say, chew my words over in your mind and heart, but don't substitute it for decent medical advice.
Naturally, right?
You got this.
Or as my rockstar Osteo would say:
"Bah, oui.
Bien sur.
Evidement, mon cherie."
And so it's good night from me.
And good night from her.
And good night from HER.
Rock on, pussy warrioress.
what's your pleasure type?
I am a sex and relationships coach with a passion for coaching women to amplify their pleasure and use it as a fuel source for power.
And I have found, that amongst almost every woman I meet, that she will tend to fall into one of four, distinct pleasure types.
Curious to find out which one of these pleasure types you might be?
Take my quiz below, and receive a free, personalised video outlining your pleasure type, and giving you tips and tricks specific to your type to help increase your pleasure threshold exponentially!
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Categorised in: Pleasure and Orgasm
This post was written by Julia