Polarity Debunked

Is there a more often misunderstood (or abused) relationship term than that of polarity?

polarity in relationships

Could there be a more widely misunderstood (or more oft abused) concept than that of polarity?

I'll be honest. I get truly sick of it too. All that "codes to feminine energy" and "standing in masculine power" stuff can make me roll my eyes at the best of times. It's like - do we WANT to return to the dark ages or create family dynamics along the lines of the Church of the Latter Day Saints? I mean - is that what all this feminism was FOR?!

The truth is though - I write and work within these terms of "Masculine and Feminine" a lot. And the reason is pretty simple. There is nothing, literally nothing, that brings the fire in so intensely, or so immediately, as when my husband and I get the polarity dialled between us.

the feminine polarity - misaligned

Picture the scene - my husband is exhausted after a long day's work. He gets in, takes a shower and collapses on the bed.  

He's ready for some loving. 

I am feeling stressed. Like I'm holding everything together and like I haven't spoken to anyone outside the family except the barista all day. I've just fought with my teenager and "banished his phone" for the 5th time that night. I've cooked and fed everyone. I have an article to write but it's 8pm already. I catch a couple of cameo videos on Facebook of people addicted to Oxycontin in Arizona and I cry 'cos that's somebody's kiddo out there. Then I too collapse on the bed. 

I am ready for some loving.

My point is - who takes the reins from this place? Who puts the attention on the other first? Who decides to lead?

We understand that the feminine loves to receive. But in our hyper-masculinised world, often couples come together so exhausted that they both want to let go and surrender to the loving strokes of the other with equal fervour. And I see this all the time in couple clients too. It is extremely common to end up fighting about who gets to stand in the feminine/receptive pole first.

THE MASCULINE POLARITY - MISALIGNED

The same is true the other way round (though typically I don't come across this as often, I'll admit.) 

When both partners want to be in the driving seat? When both want to lead the experience? Well we're not having fun in this dynamic are we? It's like both partners are looking around for the point of entry. And neither gets to let go into the experience. 

POLARITY DIALLED

When the polarity is "just right" between my husband and I though? It is literal fire. And also, a great thing for two busy working parents, it is easy and quick fire.

I remember the first time we tried a polarity exercise from one of my trainings. The recording asked the feminine partner to go into feeling and movement only. To tune into sounds and to expressing delight. To showing that delight through the body. Luckily for me (yay!) I got to be the feminine partner that time. I set about showing my husband how I felt about him through my body alone - sound, breath, movement. The classic tantric pillars.

The effect was powerful.

It inspired my husband to find the masculine pole straight away. There was something about the love and sheer beauty of my feminine expression in that moment, that drew out his power, his attention, his confidence, his energy. 

He proceeded to take me like a God in human form.

"Fucking hell."

We both said, afterwards, in unison.

"Not had sex like that since we were 17."

Praise the Lord. 

Thanking the angels.