Sounds obvious right? HA! Try it!! Not as easy as it sounds. Whether it's Netflix or those pesky emails or just leaving your iPhone next to the bed so you greet it before your lover in the morning. (Yup. You too? This habit is hideous for an attention junkie. Hideous.)

Make a practice of eliminating distractions - even for one evening per week will make a difference. You'll simply have to start paying attention - to one another, instead of the ghost legacy of Steve Jobs or the current bank account of Mark Zuckerberg.

Especially if your relationship is monogamous and long-term – you might find yourself focusing on the failures instead of the wins. It's so much easier for me to see where my husband fails me rather than to appreciate the small accumulated gifts that he gives every day without need for recognition or acclaim. For example, every morning I am a bitch from hell. Every morning he serves me coffee. He knows he will probably get a snarl more than a thank you. He does it anyway.

My point is that there are thousands of small gracious acts of attention through the day towards me from my partner that can so easily go unnoticed. You too? One of the best things you can do for your relational well-being and turn on, is to let yourself see them coming and savour them fully when they arrive.

Get your anger serving the relationship instead of destroying it. Yes that feeling of abandonment you get when your partner forgets. The inner doubts that you don't matter - can turn a female heart bereft. Triggers triggers everywhere, and not a drop to drink.

The thing about anger though, is that it really is beautiful in its essence. It's just trying to make a stand for something you really really want.  

Be warned though, if what you want is more attention, then anger is generally a really bad way to get it. People do tend to retreat and self-protect in the face of anger. As a fiery woman I wish they didn't. I wish they could meet me full on in the activation of that. But the fact is, people have nervous systems and sometimes their nervous system does not want all that hot activity. It's fair enough.

In this article here I wrote about getting anger behind your passion and not your criticism. Behind your desire and not your blame.

If you are able to do this skilfully, then you get to use your anger to get more of what you want, and blow things up less, basically. If you want more attention, it is important to get disciplined with your anger.

(On the other hand if you can't feel your anger? Well then that's a whole different ball game. Try opening up some more fire if that's the case. Maybe a tantrum is exactly what's needed to wake your partner out of slumber. Nobody likes to go unnoticed forever, after all. Please don't be so afraid of your anger that you suppress it's call to get your needs met totally out of existence.)

Esther Perel and her famous book "Mating in Captivity" talks about this extensively. You might want to think about how much you let yourself shine.

Of course, you don't want to hone your genius for the sole purpose of another's attention. You want to hone your genius because you have to. Because it is the calling of your life. Because you can't not. 

But to foster your genius for your own soul, regardless of how it is received, can have the  magical effect of making your partner pay attention in the most golden and appreciative way possible.

What might you do to allow yourself to fully show off your talents in front of your partner? Do it.

Oh yes, that old chestnut.

So what do you mean exactly? Feminine?

Enjoy your body, basically, is what I am talking about here.

Cultivate self pleasure. Find the small ways to soften to your own felt experience. Dress yourself up to feel good on the inside. Dance. (Maybe even dance for your partner.)

Your juicy flirtatious woman needs licence to play. Curl your lover's hair between your fingers just for the hell of it. Brush their neck with your lips because you happen to be walking by. Feed them with something you love the taste of. 

There are a million ways to increase your flirty playful feminine side. If you let your partner feel the sheer fun you are having with this - they will probably up their attention game. Because human beings cannot help themselves but to notice the feel good.

Communication is key.

If you find yourself withering away in lack of attention land, it may well be that the two of you are avoiding discussing the inevitable.

Don't let yourselves fester over anything. It is the ultimate attention killer.

Finally - perhaps my favourite way of all. Make the time to notice.

You can try simple exercises like eye gazing, which foster connection and a beautiful sense of mutual attention. But a really sexy exercise is for one partner to take the role of the noticer.

So for example if you feel hungry for more attention, see if your partner would be willing to try this exercise. Then have them do it every day for a week.

Several times through the day they will notice something about you and they will speak it out loud. For example, as they serve you coffee they might say: "I notice that your left cheek is flushed."

Or, even better, in the midst of something that is demanding their attention, they must make a point to stop and place their attention on you instead. They might simply state what you are wearing in that moment. If they want to get really spicy they might tell you what underwear they saw you put on that morning.

It doesn't matter what they say, it doesn't have to be a compliment. It simply matters that they notice.