Relationships take work. Honestly, I wish they didn't. God knows we could do with them being a tad easier, considering how much we have on our plates in pretty much every other area of our lives. But the fact is, if you love a person, before long they will start to drive you crazy. And you gonna have to put the work in. Schedule some time for connection or communication every week.

So you are about to go to said meeting. Except you are furious with - the bathroom hair. The budget overspent. The *you fill in the blanks*.

My number one tip is to take some time to prioritise self-care before you go in then.

Whatever it takes to restore some balance to your nervous system. Whatever practices you have. Use them now and use them with liberal abandon. Come back to centre. It will serve your relating well.

"He/She who surrenders first wins."

My husband and I have been known to argue over even that.

You surrender first.

No you.

Can you imagine?

The truth of the matter is though - something about your behaviour hurts the other person. This does not mean you are bad. It doesn't even mean that what you did was wrong.

It just means it hurt. Get curious about why.

Some people find this easier than others. I am amazed sometimes how simple empathy can feel like total ego death. Like I will die if I understand his point of view.

But its a wonderful gift to the relationship. Practice feeling things from your partner's perspective.

Nothing calm the nervous system more than the simple phrase: "That makes complete sense to me that you would feel that way."

You don't just want to empathise, you want to extend yourself to verify them. And really mean it.

This step alone can diffuse the fight in seconds.

Make sure you have both been all the way the cycle together. 

Are you done?

Do you still need more?

This is your time. Make sure you get fully complete before you move on, or the resentment will fester and come our sideways somewhere else.