Ways to Attract Your Soulmate

5 Things to do if you're looking for soulmate level love....


Is there such a thing as a soulmate? And if there is, how do you find them? 

join a soulmate cult? anyone?

TL:DR - not recommended.

Recently I watched the Netflix series about the Twin Flames Universe group. The best way to describe these people is that they advertise themselves (sorta) as fine purveyors of soulmate attraction techniques. In fact, if you pay to enter their online space, they actually guarantee you'll find your soulmate before the year is out.

If I'm honest with you - I've seen how Netflix pulls things apart and presents the story in the exact way they want. I've seen them create a narrative. Build and influence opinion. (Take the OneTaste doc for example. Truly awful. Not exactly objective truth.) So I went in a little cynical and not particularly ready for Netflix to stoke my outrage muscles.

But those Twin Flames Universe dudes? With all that "come into my Facebook group and find your soulmate" malarkey? I'll admit that the documentary did get under my skin.

Because it turns out that the Twin Flame Universe problem du jour is that their entire group is made up of women looking for love. Amongst other women looking for love.

And if the majority of those women were heterosexual - which they were - then how does one provide the hookup one promised?

Turns out the Twin Flames guru found an answer to this problem - he begins to "channel" which of the women needed to change their gender and become biologically male. From there, he was able to discern who their female partner within the group should be. 

BAM! Problem solved. Soulmates akimbo!

(Oh and plus it was important to cut from your family and start working for the cult for free. Which frankly goes to show just how far people will go to find their one true love. And how profoundly they might allow themselves to be exploited as they search.)

It's enough to put you off finding your soul mate for life.


So you can call me cynical - but I think there genuinely is a question as to whether soulmates exist - like is there any such thing, or is it all just trauma bonding in the first place?

At the very least I think soulmate is a term that's been misused and definitely misunderstood.

But let's have a look, assuming you still want one, at how best to find them.  


But let me start with a story...

I knew when I'd met my soulmate.

I'd been looking for a long time. (Well. Til I was 28. Which is longer than some and not as long as others.)

For me, finding my soulmate felt like home. Whenever he was close, I felt warm. Whenever he wasn't there, I felt like a part of me couldn't quite rest. That feeling persisted. Even in the ups and downs and the occasional detours in the hell realms of relationship. Still... I feel warm when he is around and like something's missing when he's not.

And it's been 25 years for us already. 

So I guess you can say soulmates is a concept I believe in. AND I think the concept is rife with misconceptions. (Like, for example, I have two soulmates at least. Three if you count the dog.)

So perhaps there's more space around finding a soulmate than we might be led to believe. Hey - maybe they're even EVERYWHERE? 

you can forget how great it is to have a soulmate sometimes

Another thing is also true - you do forget how great it is to have a soulmate when you actually have a soulmate. The ironic thing about soulmates, like everything else, that they tend to be taken for granted once you actually have one in the bag. If you think of all the things you wanted ten years ago, and how many of your ambitions actually came into being for you. And when they did, how you almost forgot you had them? Sadly, having a soulmate in your life for a long term can sometimes feel a bit like that. 

It's like - you forget how magic it actually is.

how to attract your soulmate

Given that I am forewarning you of this however, and given that you undoubtedly still want one nevertheless, and you probably don't yet have your soulmate (let alone three, like me 😀) then I am guessing it's safe to assume that you might like some tips about how to attract one.

So without further ado, here are my top five tips on how to attract a soulmate into your life. 

Here we go:


When it comes to love, it doesn't pay to be cool. I am not saying you should open yourself to any ol' potential partner who comes along (more on that later.) But I do advocate for really, truly, honestly letting yourself have the desire for the love of your life if that's what's true for you. Gone are the days where we have to pretend and hide our gnarly, hungry desires in the shadows.  The premise of almost everything I teach is - it is okay to want the thing. So let yourself have the wanting of the thing. Get dramatic over wanting the thing if it feels like fun to you. All better than suffocating yourself so nobody sees or knows. Hell. You might even miss your soulmate if you keep your desire for it a secret.


Longing for anything can be quite painful. And it's not like you have a choice over it. Sometimes the very act of surrendering into our body's quiet whispers and paying attention to our inner worlds can feel worse than if we just plain out repress or ignore ourselves. But the truth is that if the state of longing IS truthful, then that's that's what you feel. So love yourself there. Tend carefully to your longing for a partner. It's like everything else good in this life - why wouldn't you want someone to share your most intimate moments with? Stop berating yourself for being needy. And hug yourself for being human. if you want more tips on how you can listen to a podcast on the self-love backpack HERE.

understand your soulmate requirements in detail

What are your actual standards here? Do you have any? (If not, this might be the problem.) Sometimes when we want something very much we can delude ourselves into thinking it's arrived when it actually hasn't. I have seen this so many times with women. It's true that women I coach can have a problem with desire and need to work with how to locate it. But it's also true that women come to me knowing what they want, but they are gladly throwing themselves (and the beauty of their hearts and pussies) at anything that will have them. This is a sure fire way to block yourself from finding love. Take a moment to write down what your absolute non-negotiables are in relationship. And then hold to them. You can imagine yourself as a house, with the guardian of your non-negotiables sitting on the porch. If you're that way inclined, you can picture him with a rifle. What would he say the next time some errant guy with a cheeky smile approached? My guess is he might apply your standards. Whereas you might be scrambling into your lingerie. Ahead of time. Paying more attention to the porch-keeper will attract the right one faster.


Do not make the mistake of getting so caught in the delicious heaviness of your longing that you let it take over your life.  After all, as I mentioned, the actual HAVING of your soulmate can be quite tiresome at times. It certainly won't be the be all and end all of your life. SO do everything you can to make sure you are in love with life right now. There are so many amazing and beautiful experiences to be had. The irony is, that the more you let yourself fill up on the love that is available to you, the more you will emanate love, and the likelihood is that the more easily love will find you back.


All acts of magic (aka being the thing you want to attract - see point number 5 above) take a degree of letting go of attachment to outcome. There's no point wanting something so fiercely, that you actually control the universe out of being able to respond. Because, if you frame your life as I do, that the universe is a loving and living entity (hey, it's a nice way to think), then you pretty soon have to realise that you are now actually in control of how it interacts with you. Maybe this is even a good thing? Maybe even the universe has more goodness in store for you than you could ever imagine? It is at least POSSIBLE to trust. And whilst it may not be an easy thing to do every day, it's a practice muscle I recommend you use as often as you can. Take action. Hold standards. Let go. Do you need to join a dating site to find your soulmate? Hell no. Get out into your life, buttercup. It's delights are waiting for you. Feel the people around you. Let their presence touch you. Love has a way of unfolding.


The Temple is an online membership that brings together women from all over the world to immerse in the kickass, graceful undoing that is the 9 codes of feminine power, and to unlearn what we have been taught  about ourselves as women.

Think collective spell-breaking.

Think the claiming of more.

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You are invited, with love


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This post was written by Julia