Eros and the Descent of Desire

If you enjoy my content, then you will certainly know by now that I talk A LOT about Eros in my world.  In fact, I like to say that the feminine path or the path of Eros is cyclical,  that the best way to begin is to practice getting a more granular and moment by moment awareness of your desire.And also that desire is gravitational - in other words it will pull you down before it lifts you up.

Let's explore this concept some more.

While you live your life, you are in some way an organic whole with all life. But once you start the mental life, then you are yourself a plucked apple, you've fallen off the tree. And then it is a logical necessity to be spiteful, just as it's a natural necessity for a plucked apple to go bad.

DH Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover.

Women have a hard time owning eros

Quite frequently, women actually get a little bit freaked out when I talk to them about descending into the truth of their own erotic natures.  Which is a shame to say the least, because there is no happier being on the planet than a woman deeply rooted in her Eros and sensual flow (imho).

Tragically, the resistance to our own, unfettered wild erotic inner pulse, is set up early - and cemented in hard.  So much so that we barely know the subconscious scripts we run that work against us half the time.

Is this because we are slut shamed? (I remember when I was about 9 years old, and the remorse that was heaped upon me from my parents because someone told them I had kissed a boy.)

Is it moral and religious instruction that makes us fear Eros? That teaches us that our innate, deeply desirous natures are bad and corruptible and that we should not follow them down the rabbit hole at any cost?

Is it the social structure of marriage? Whereby a woman is property and not to stray under any costs?

Is it a cultural fear of loss of control? That if we allow our erotic natures that we will inevitably do something horrific? (I recently watched the movie "Bones and All". I have a soft spot for Timothee Chalamet, I really do. What mother doesn't? But this was a horrific movie. Truly awful. Like is THAT how we view our desire? As something that will push us into cannibalism? I was left reeling from this film - but also kind of mind blown about how we view ourselves as human beings. I mean, if that is who we might become, of course we would train our desire out of existence.)

Either way, the damage to the happiness of women is profound.


Occasionally, we might notice this denial game playing out more easily in another woman, even more easily than we spot it in ourselves.

Here's a perfect example - just the other day I had a guest. A very sweet woman.

"What would you like to drink?" I asked.

"Oh whatever" was the sweet response.

"I can make you coffee or tea. Or something cold - I have a soda stream and can make you sparkling water or still. As you prefer." 

"Oh you choose, I don't mind" she said. Sweetly again.

And something in me sinks every time.

Because there's a woman before me.

Who could have anything she wanted.

Who is in the presence of someone plainly wanting to serve her like a queen.

And yet she cannot name the thing.

this is an erotic block

In my world, perhaps controversially, I interpret this as a woman who has resolutely shut down on her sex.

Perhaps it is hard for you to see the connection, but can you honestly imagine a woman who cannot order a drink for herself, truly letting go in the bedroom? Getting wild and sweaty and screaming out loud what she wants and needs RIGHT NOW?

Because the way we "do" sex, often expands into the way we "do" life. This is why, even though I could describe myself as a sex coach - a more accurate description would be a 'life coach who helps you discover Eros as a path to fulfilment and embodied power'.

In other words, I guide you to tap into your sexuality, and that helps EVERYTHING expand.

We are desirous beings. Our Eros is actually in the driving seat - whether conscious or unconscious.

It's good to get clear on that. It's good to find clarity on what's in control, so you an actually make choices around the direction (and speed) of travel.

(You can find out more about stories from the edge of the desire descent in this week's podcast HERE. Where I invite you to live a little more dangerously this week. And follow me right into the juice.)

why eros de-stabilises

The  Feminine disrupts...

So let's look at speed and direction of travel then.

Sometimes I think there is a caveat, or a warning sign, needed with this work.

I hope you agree with the philosophy that as a woman, you literally need a relationship with your Eros. Life is dry, boring and lacking magic without it. Like DH Lawrence says in the opening quote - if you cut yourself off from life and purely interpret it through a mental lens, then you will go bitter and bad like the fruit lost from the tree.


There is also nothing so disruptive a force on this planet as your Eros.  

It is good to be aware of this, before you go in.

De-stabilisation of a life can, of course, be a good thing. If you are stuck. Bored. Rigid. Wanting more in life and the bedroom. Then anything that seeks to change that is going to shake stuff up a little. In other words, if you are comfortable and constantly avoiding your edges then travelling the Eros path is a great way out of that. (Comfort is the enemy of magic, after all. It is actually a diminishing game.)

De-stabilisation will also massively clarify: what's working well for you and what isn't. You get clear pretty quickly when you start on this path. It will also clarify the undeniable truth that - life is foundationless in the end; that life is constantly changing and that, even as you receive, you will still lose things that you love.


This messy business of being human.

Speed and direction then?

Well, I like to say to client's that if they are already unstable in terms of their physical, emotional, financial wellbeing, then the path of Eros should most definitely be used gently. (This is why we begin this work with pleasure. Small, doable pleasure doses that soothe and open. And you can find out more about that starting point HERE.)

However - Eros also is the truth of life. It is the very tree that Lawrence describes.

Staying connected to this source then, and being able to enjoy it,  is an imperative part of the feminine power game.

It's a game I love.

I am constantly flirting with the edge of my desire.

Like a wrecking ball.

I love her.

Can't you tell?

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Clarity on desire is the way to live a powerful and intentional magical life. Here are some ways to begin dancing with it:

  1. Get specific
  2. Write out your desires
  3. Have a sex practice so you get more comfortable with the sensation of wanting. (Don't worry. You won't turn into a cannibal like that sweet boy Timothee.)


So you've heard me speak about it or write about it - but Why? Why is desire power?

(Honestly the concept is simple - you can't go for what you want if you don't know what it is.  You can read more about that in my previous blog HERE.)


The Temple is my online membership offering that brings together women from all over the world to learn the kickass, graceful undoing that is true feminine power, and to unlearn what we have been taught thus far about our limitations as women.

Think collective spellbreaking.

Think the claiming of more, personally.

Think fun, love and online badassery..


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This post was written by Julia