Resourcing and Grounding

Increasing our Range

The name of the game with sexual pleasure is to increase our range of sensation. To expand into more allowing of our innate sexual natures. To foster inner approval and allowing and to practice receptivity.

Some of us will come to jade egg practice wanting to feel more sensation in our pussies, to heal numbness or dryness. Some will come wanting to open up libido or climax. To discover the G-Spot. To feel into the immense orgasmic depths of the cervix.

Some will come with pelvic pain or recurrent infections and wanting to release and heal. To even begin to have a loving and listening relationship with our genitals.

Some of us are deeply fascinated by the ancient Taoist energy systems and drawn to understanding how to cultivate and use sexual energy as rocket fuel for power as creators in our lives.

Some of us just want to see how far we can take this pleasure thing – how we might be able to lean into ecstasy. Because – why not, right?

But one thing I know from my years of sexual practice, is that this is a journey that will always involve, no matter which techniques you use, with a kind of descent into the body. It’s ways, desires, directions, symptoms and feelings.

And it’s not all love and light in there, right?

We have, as women, hundreds of years of conditioning and core belief systems to overcome. We may also have suffered actual trauma – whether physical, sexual or emotional. For example, we are not taught as women and girls how to cultivate, nurture and inspire access to pleasure in our communities. We were not taught how to have one another’s backs or to support one another into greatness.

Rather we are often taught that life is hard. That most other women are out to get us. If we are heterosexual, that men are the prize, or the cherry on top of the icing. That pleasure is not ours to feel, but instead is ours to give and to serve even if we feel empty inside.

(Insert your own particular version of the above here.)

So the very act of opening to our own pleasure and agency, the very practice of setting our sexual hunger and power free, can involve bumping up against these old patterns and voices. Sometimes pretty hard.

This is what makes sexual practice a path of intense purification. And, I believe, why some sensible precautions must be understood as we dive deep into the body’s wisdom and path for us.

The name of the game here is always – how much am I willing or able to feel? Let me explain some more.

Window of Tolerance

At the core of any sexual healing modality – is choice.

In order to release blockages that are in the way of your sexual power and in order to feel more pleasure, you will need to actively step out of any remnants of victim consciousness that still have their grip on you. Nobody is doing this jade egg journey to you – and at each and every step along the way you have complete agency to choose and to choose well for your pussy. (I know you may not be there yet, and that’s fine, we are going to get there along the way.)

But because knowledge IS power, I also believe that educating ourselves and understanding the window of tolerance model to be extremely useful in helping us make informed choices about our practice.

So what IS the Window of Tolerance?

The window of tolerance is a well known model used to demonstrate the window of sensation within which healing or increased capacity to feel pleasure is known to occur. It’s really important to understand because, essentially – it’s my belief and protocol - that healing and expanded tolerance for sensation happens most effectively within the context of deep safety. (By most effectively, I mean it has the most profound and the most long-lasting effects. The kind of experience that can reset your pleasure dial to the max, for good.)

What you can see if you look at the window diagram below, is that we all of us have a field of sensation, or a range, within which we can comfortable exist and function.

It is really important to understand, that if we knock ourselves out of this comfort zone shown above (and there are many ways to do so, but sexual practices can be one of the ways this can happen), that we are actually working against our own healing. In other words, there is no known benefit to you, to your body, or to your sexuality, to go outside of this window. In fact, at worst, it might take you a while to come back from such an experience and regain equilibrium within your nervous system again.

In other words, nobody gets better at sex by being hyper aroused and anxious, or by being depressed and numb. And too much practice, too hard or too quick, can exacerbate your natural tendencies here and send you into such unhelpful states of being if you are not wise to yourself.

Whilst jade egg practice is purifying, as I have mentioned, and you can expect to feel sadness, or rage or anything else after a particularly deep practice as the emotions and the old stories literally alchemize and burn their way out of your system. You will still need to be fully self responsible to make sure that you do so by remaining within your window of tolerance. Let yourself go slow with this and at the proper pace for your body systems.

Hard and fast does not equate deep.

A Note About The Edge Game

But what does that mean? To stay safe? And isn’t safety a bit, well you know, BORING, for us edge seekers and sexual warrior types? Those who hunger for more sensation, more pleasure, more excitement and turn on in our lives?

So here’s the thing.

Your window of tolerance can change.

Your range can expand.

And yes, that’s probably why you’re here.

So let’s talk about how we do it then. We are agreed – I hope - that we do not want to go over our windows/ranges too far or too hard.

However, the really interesting bit here is that when we get masterful at this, at LISTENING to our bodies and our pussies, then we find we are able to play with those edges a little more. Because the aim with increasing sexual pleasure is to take our selves right to that edge. To dance on it. To breathe there. To dare to allow expansion there. To stay listening there. And to relax there.

Little by little, I guarantee you, you will find that if you do this often enough and skillfully enough, that your capacity to feel and to allow sensation will incrementally increase.

YES women! That is the name of the game. That’s your sex power right there. 

Resources to Help

Okay, so orgasm expanders get it wrong sometimes.

And in a sense, this is the whole point of this section. To teach you how to notice when you’re going awry, but also to give you practices that can both:

1. Help you resource and self-regulate if you smash that window a bit too hard and fast
2. Help blueprint more safety and regulation into your nervous system to begin with – to help strengthen you and prevent any system overloads in the first place.

Exercises and Audios

The practices in this module contains some crucial exercises to help you ground, self-resource, and increase your capacity to self-soothe as follows:

1. Hip and Pelvis Grounding

2. Bone Breathing

3. Comfortable Place

I recommend that you use them often – they feel really pleasurable and enjoyable even if you don’t care about their benefits! Especially use them if you are finding yourself sleepless or ungrounded or buzzing with energy.

Plus, many of these exercises have been handed down from the Taoist tantric masters and are a natural part of the suite of practices that go along with the jade egg. Use them often and in tandem with this course and they will serve your progress well.

Pendulation: The Dance of Pleasure and Pain

There is one more thing for me to say in this piece about grounding and resourcing and that is this:

Pleasure is the best resource you have.

Take note before you begin this course and also throughout. What are the small everyday pleasures that you gloss over and forget to feel? How lush is it to soap yourself in the shower, for example. Or to take that first sip of coffee or tea in the morning? How amazing to be on the bus. Or cradled in the tube. Or to feel the comfort of the chair beneath your butt.

Remember to remember the simple pleasures in life too. And gradually, you may find that the resistances and alarm states that your brain might be prone to after years of conditioning, start to relax and fade away into nothingness.

Allow allow allow allow.

One of the biggest secrets to female orgasm is APPROVAL.

True female power comes from a level of self permission and approval that we barely dared to know was possible.

There is literally no right or wrong way to do this.

Let your pussy begin telling you what she wants.